


The Rose of The Alienage

by VioletTheirin



Category: Dragon Age
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-06-08
Updated: 2012-06-11
Packaged: 2017-11-07 05:59:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/427690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VioletTheirin/pseuds/VioletTheirin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eight years have passed since the blight was ended by Eruthiawen Tabris. A drunken and bitter Alistair returns to Ferelden to find that he left behind more than he could have ever imagined</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Homecoming

"Oh Ferelden, it has been entirely too long…or not long enough, I haven't quite decided." Mused the drunken redhead as he stumbled off of the ship. It had been eight years since the blight was ended and Eruthiawen Tabris declared the "Hero of Fereldend". Alistair should have been there beside her, had she not betrayed him. "Damn her anyway." He thought as he took a large knock off of the flask he was carrying. "Why should I flee my homeland because of some woman? Ferelden is a large enough place, chances are I will never see her."

They say that time heals all wounds, but that is not necessarily true. As far as wounds go, Alistair was fatal. He had never loved a woman in his life and when he did finally find "the one" whom he could give himself to in every sense of the word, she betrayed him for the man that killed the leader of Ferelden's Grey Wardens and the nearest thing he had to a father, Duncan. She showed mercy to Loghain when he could show not even a scrap of it towards King Cailan, the king's army, Duncan, or for any of the Grey Wardens. Had Loghain had his way both Alistair and Eruthiawen would be dead as well, either at the top of the Tower of Ishal or at the hands of the Antivan Crows. Yet when it had come his time to pay she granted him the mercy he never could have even defined. She not only allowed him to live, but to fight for the same order that he had attempted to completely put asunder. And then if that wasn't enough, she allowed for Loghain's pit viper of a daughter, Anora to take the throne and then to exile him. "Well at least she insisted I not be executed…how generous of her."

Time had certainly not changed Denerim much. The docks were still quite dodgy, with mercenaries and sailors walking about. The Pearl still stood with it's vast array of ladies and gentlemen of the evening waiting to greet their next clients. And though he hadn't noticed it before, Alistair's nose began to pick up on the scent of wet dogs and garbage. "I suppose after being gone for so long I got used to other smells." He thought. Alistair decided that Orlais definitely smelled better than Ferelden, but he much preferred the soggy pup scent of his homeland to the leathery smell of Antiva. "The damn assassin can keep his grand Antiva City" he thought to himself "I never did see what was so wonderful about it".

As Alistair left the docks he began to cross over into the Alienage. This was one part of Denerim that did indeed seem to have gotten better with time. The small squalled huts that the elves had once lived in had been transformed into nice quaint cottages and apartments. The once muddy and dirty streets were now paved. There was a nice new school standing where the old haunted orphanage had once been. There were children laughing and playing, running around the grand tree that stood in the middle of the square. Alistair decided to sit down on a nearby bench to rest. Nearly a week at sea with nothing more in his stomach than some dodgy fish chowder, moldy cheese and some rotgut did nothing for his stamina. Perhaps he would head back to The Pearl, find a bed to sleep in and possibly some companionship for the night.

As Alistair sat and watched the children there was one little girl that particularly caught his attention. She was quite short, like the other elven children but did not have the pointy ears that all of the other children did. It was obvious that she was the odd one out amongst the youngsters. As he watched another little girl came up and snatched something out of her hand. "Give it back!" the little girl screamed. As she began to cry, reaching for this prized possession Alistair could take no more "Poor thing." He thought as he stood to help.

Alistair walked over to the two girls. "What seems to be the problem here ladies?" he asked as the girls jumped back in shock. "She stole something that belongs to me and she will not give it back." She exclaimed as the tears poured down her face.

"Why don't you be nice and just give her back her possession" Alistair said to the other girl, whom he noticed stood a good two inches shorter than the child she was picking on.

"Oh fine, take it you stupid half breed." She retorted as she shoved what looked to be a necklace into the little girls hand. She then ran off after a small group of children that had been cheering her on.

The little girl quickly tried to compose herself as she attempted to get the necklace on her neck. "Here, let me help you with that." Alistair said.

"Thank you sir." Said the little girl as she handed him a small chain with what looked to be a rose petal charm on the end of it. "You've no idea what this means to me. This is all that I have of my father and nearly all that I have left of my mother." She said. Alistair finished clasping the chain and turned the young girl by the shoulders to look at him.

"I couldn't just stand by and let them pick on you." He said. It was then that Alistair really got to look at the little girl. As he noticed she was quite petite, but with remarkably broad shoulders. She had very light strawberry blonde hair and rounded human ears. After hearing the other girl call her a half breed he realized she must have had one human and one elven parent as those children always get the human ears. It was her eyes though that caught Alistair's attention. They were the deepest emerald green, a color he had only ever seen one other time in his life…..Eruthiawen….

"You said that your necklace was all that you had of your father, what happened to him?" asked Alistair.

"Daddy was a soldier and died protecting us from the blight." Said the little girl.

"And your mother?" he questioned.

"Mamae is gone…she died a few months ago." Replied the little girl "Auntie Leili said that it was a broken heart that killed her, whatever that means. I don't remember Mamae ever feeling well." She said "But Uncle Zev said that she was once very brave and fought alongside my daddy."

Alistair was taken back. "Uncle Zev, Auntie Leili? Surely it couldn't be." He thought to himself. It was then that he realized, the pendant that she wore was indeed a rose petal, or it had been. It appeared to have been cast in some sort of bronze but he recognized it…it was his rose, the one that he gave to Eruthiawen when he began to have feelings for her. He clasped his hand over his mouth as he looked down at the little girl.

"Thank you so much for helping me." She said "I need to get home before Auntie begins to worry."

"What is your name, if I may ask?" asked a dumbfounded Alistair

"My name is Rose." replied the little girl. "What is your name?"

"Call me Al." he said

"It was a pleasure meeting your Al." she said "I won't forget you!"

"The pleasure was all mine." He said as he poured the remaining contents of his flask onto the ground.

Alistair watched little Rose run off, down the street and around the corner. "I have a daughter." He thought to himself as he felt tears nearing the surface of his eyes. For the first time in eight years Alistair allowed himself to feel something other than anger, as he dropped the flask and headed in the direction that Rose had left in.

It then came to his attention what Rose had said…her Mamae was gone too, dead from a broken heart. "Oh Ruthi, what have I done?" he said out loud. "By the Maker what have I done!" he shouted as he began to run down the street toward where he saw Rose turn the corner.

"I have to find her." He thought, "I have to know for sure what happened."


	2. Fancy Meeting You Here

Alistair continued to follow Rose, trying to stay close enough to see when she turned a corner but far enough away so as to not alert her to the fact that he was there. Stealth was an interesting proposition as Alistair was coming off of an eight year stupor. He was never entirely stealthy to begin with. Years of clunking around with a big shield and sword all the while wearing heavy plate armor made sure of that. Now, even though the armor and weaponry was gone, he had hazy eyes and an extra 20 pounds of stomach to blame for his clumsiness.

"At least I don't need to worry about someone recognizing me." He thought to himself.

How could they? After all, the man who once stood so proud, so clean shaven and pure was now but a faint memory of his former self. His once neatly kept hair was now long, shaggy, and nearly black from the dirt and sweat built up in it. His face, once young and clean was now dirty and looked old beyond its years. There was a long dirty beard where there had once been only the slightest hint of stubble, and was stained with months of dirt, sweat and ale.

As Alistair followed Rose, he began to recognize some of the elves along the Alienage streets. Some of them he even helped rescue from the slave traders just before the Landsmeet. Thinking back on this only made him grow angry.

"How could she have betrayed me for someone who allowed her own people to be enslaved." He fumed.

Alistair didn't have long to reflect on it because just then he slammed headlong into someone, crashing down and landing right on top of them.

"Maker, I'm sorry." He said as he struggled to regain his footing and pull himself from atop the woman. "I was lost in thought and not paying attention to where I was going." He reached out a hand toward the woman who had already managed to get herself up and brushed off.

"Don't apologize to the Maker!" she spat. "Twas not him that you nearly crushed to death; And just the idea that you had even the smallest thought pass through your puny skull has me completely perplexed."

"Morrigan?" Alistair rubbed his eyes.

"Ah, so you remember me do you?" she glared. "Funny how well you can remember someone whom you hated with every fiber of your being, but could all but forget the woman you supposedly loved with all of your heart."

"You have no idea why I did the things that I did." He bellowed. "It was not me that betrayed her, she's the one who…"

"Yes, yes, yes, she's the one that betrayed you." She rolled her eyes. "So it shall be this whole song and dance again, shall it? The poor little Templar, had his feelings hurt by that mean and nasty little elf." "Do I have the lyrics right, or has time fogged my memory?" she questioned as she stepped closer to him. "Now riddle me this you fool, why have you come back if she all but tore out your heart?"

"I wanted to return to my home." He lamented "I have been gone away for far too long and I didn't see the sense in allowing one woman to keep me from all that I once knew."

"Ah yes, but why here? Why Denerim? Why the very Alienage where she grew up and where her family still resides?" she interrogated. "Surely, if she hurt you so, this would be the last place you would decide to run to."

"I was merely passing through when I ran into the most interesting person" he said. "Why was I not told that I have a daughter?"

Morrigan was taken aback by this. She took two steps back from him and tried to gather her composure.

"What on earth are you talking about? What daughter?" She asked, all the while trying to hide the shock in her eyes.

"Don't try to play your little games with me Morrigan." He fumed. "I met Rose today, I know she is mine. Now tell me, why did I not know about her sooner?"

"First tell me my dear friend, where were we supposed to locate you?" Came another familiar voice from behind him. "Seems quite unreasonable to send letters to every tavern on Thedas to tell you that you had a child with a woman you cared nothing about. No?"

"Ah, and now the assassin joins in." he spat. "Tell me Zevran, how long after I left did it take you to bed her?" "We all know you were just biding your time, waiting for me to be out of the picture to pounce."

With that Alistair was knocked back as Zevran's fist met forcefully with Alistair's jaw.

"I suggest you stop while you are ahead my dear templar, there are many things that you know nothing of." Zevran seethed. "And from the smell of you, you are in no frame of mind to hear any of it." "Go, get yourself a room for the night and sober up. If you truly wish to speak civilly we can do so at that time. If all that you wish to do is throw accusations toward the person who has spent the last eight years picking up the pieces of the life that you broke, I suggest you go somewhere else to do it. That is unless you wish for me to end this right here?" Zevran pulled a dagger from his boot. "I can kill you much faster than the liquor that you have grown so fond of."

"Fine, I will speak to you tomorrow" Alistair stated as he tried to regain his composure. "Meet me at The Pearl at noon, but I will be expecting some answers."

"Si, answers I can provide in abundance." He said as he put the dagger back into his boot. "I can only hope, dear Alistair that you realize that they won't all be what you want to hear."

"Just be there." Alistair glared back at Zevran and Morrigan, who he noticed had grown surprisingly quiet upon the assassin's arrival.

"So what is it that you plan on telling the fool?" She asked as Alistair stomped away.

"Honesty is always the best policy. No?" he ran a hand through his hair. "No matter how painful the truth may be."


	3. Idiots and Children

The chiming of the bells at noon the next day found Alistair all but running through the halls of The Pearl. He had sobered up quite a bit, he washed and shaved and even had one of the resident "ladies" give him a haircut. He was still a far cry from the handsome young man he used to be but glimmers of the old Alistair were definitely able to be seen. As he made his way into the tavern part of The Pearl he was completely expecting to see Zevran sitting at the table with his smug little smile about his face, or even Morrigan brooding away in a corner. Much to his surprise (and relief) the face looking back at him was that of Leiliana. While Alistair was sure that she was not any happier with him than Morrigan or Zevran were, she always had a pleasant air about her, and he often thought that had it not been for his feelings for Ruthi, he could have easily developed feelings for the former bard.

"Good afternoon Alistair." She said as she stood to greet him with a hug. "I hope that today finds you well."

"Hello Leiliana, not to sound unhappy to see you but where is Zevran…Morrigan? I was expecting a bit harsher of a greeting." Alistair looked around. "He isn't lying in wait somewhere is he? I never could see him when he didn't want to be seen." His eyes darted around the room." "Or is Morrigan getting ready to toad me?"

"Zevran will be along shortly, and Morrigan, it was decided would do best staying back at the house with the children." Stated Leiliana

"Children?" He asked. "Besides Rose, what children are there to attend to?"

"I guess I truly had forgotten just how long you haven been gone." Leiliana reflected. "Well there is Slade and he is six. He is Oghren and Felsi's. We don't see much of him since Oghren joined the Grey Wardens."

"Oghren joined the Grey Wardens?" Alistair looked puzzled

"Yes, he decided that family life was not for him so he left. Ruthi convinced him that even though he wasn't the type to settle down, he still needed to be a part of Slade's life so he writes to him frequently and stops to visit on occasion." She said

"It's hard to imagine. Oghren, as a Warden?" Alistair puzzled as he waved the bar maid down and asked for a glass of water.

"Morrigan got married about two years ago to another apostate mage named Anders." Leiliana smiled. "It is quite funny actually, with as much as you and Morrigan never got along that she would marry someone who is so much like you."

"Like me?" Alistair questioned

"Oh yes. Anders and yourself are like a templar and apostate cut from the same cloth. Sarcastic, yet charming as the day is long. Plus, he too is a Warden" Leiliana giggled. "They have a son named Drake and he is a year old."

Alistair just shook his head.

"Soon after the Blight was ended I fell in love with Ruthi's cousin, Soris. You remember him, don't you?" She asked.

"Yes, I believe I do." He said thoughtfully. "He's the one that helped free Ruthi from Vaughn's estate."

"Yes, that Soris." She smiled. "Well we were wed and have 3 wonderful children. Cecile is six, Cyrion is four, and Shianni is almost one."

"Then there is of course Rose, she is the oldest of all of the children." She said as she adjusted herself in her chair. "Then there is her brother Nelaros Duncan."

"Brother? Brother by whom?" Alistair asked

This question made Leiliana squirm in her chair "Umm…."

"He is my son if you must know." Came a voice from behind.

"You…" Alistair stood, anger pouring from his eyes. "I knew it, I knew you pounced the first chance you got."

In the blink of an eye Zevran had Alistair by the collar of his shirt, fist pulled back and ready to strike.

"Zevran!" Leiliana screamed as she grabbed the elf and pulled him off of Alistair. "This is exactly why I said that I would talk to him and would come and get you when everything had been explained!"

"What, Leiliana is there to explain!" Alistair spat "All he ever wanted was to bed Ruthi, ever since she forgave him for TRYING TO KILL HER."

"What concern is it of yours Alistair? You are the one who tore her heart out and wished her dead, are you not?" seethed Zevran

"Andraste's flaming sword; both of you stop!" screamed Leiliana.

By this time quite the crowd had grown around the little corner table. Sanga the proprietor of the Pearl then walked up.

"You know I'll have none of this nonsense in my tavern!" she stated with a firm hand on her hip. "Now will you be takin' this little fight elsewhere on your own, or do I need to have Biff show you the way out?" she motioned to the bouncer near the door.

"I'm sorry Sanga, we'll be going." Leiliana apologized as she pulled both Zevran and Alistair by the collar. "Here's a sovereign for the trouble." She let go of Zevran long enough to drop the gold on the table and grabbed him again quickly.

"By The Maker, dealing with the both of you is like dealing with a couple of mabari pups!" Exclaimed Leiliana as she shoved them out the door.

Once outside and around the corner, Leiliana released her hold on the two men but placed herself abruptly between the two of them.

"Zevran, you go back to my house and wait for me there. Tell Soris I will be along shortly." She snapped "And Alistair, you are coming with me. You are going to hear the whole truth before you start throwing accusations around!"

Once Zevran was out of sight she looked Alistair in the eyes. "I have been nothing but kind and patient towards you since you walked up to the table today Alistair. It took every ounce of self control that I possessed to not run you through on the spot after what you did to Ruthi."

"What about what she di….." Alistair began

"Will you stop with your crying about how she hurt you? Can you not see there is more to this than just you and your bruised ego?" She asked as the last of her patience vanished. "What about Ruthi? She was never the same after you left. You broke her heart in two over a man who wasn't worth the breath that it took to say his name."

"Then why did she chose him over me?" he yelled. "Why did she let him live and allow his daughter to have me exiled? She knew what he did, she knew he allowed my brother die, he allowed Duncan to die, he allowed all of those Wardens and soldiers to die. And when it came his time she allowed him to live."

"Here, these are letters that Ruthi wrote, from the time that you left up until about a week before she died. She asked that I give them to you if I ever saw you again." Leiliana shoved a small box into Alistair's chest. "I truly don't think you deserve to set eyes upon them but there you are."

Alistair took the box and ran his fingers over the lid.

"What about Zevran?" he asked softly. "If she was so in love with me and so broken up over me leaving, why do they have a son together?"

"Ruthi never loved Zevran, not like she loved you." Leiliana said as she sat down on a bench along the docks. "When she found out she was with child, Ruthi was scared…Zevran was there for her. When she worried herself night and day over how she was going to take care of a child all on her own Zevran married her. He raised your child as if she was his own, he took care of the woman you loved, knowing that there was never a chance of her having the same feelings for him. He listened to the woman that he loved as she died with another man's name on her lips."

"If she didn't truly love him, why do they have a child together?" Alistair questioned

"Because Ruthi told me that after all that Zevran gave her, the least she could give him was a son and a piece of herself." She looked into his eyes "And even then, instead of giving him a name that meant something to him, he named his son after Ruthi's murdered fiancé and the name of your mentor. When I asked him why he did so much he told me that "He would rather play second lyre than not play with the minstrels at all." Now if we are talking about fairness…who do you now believe truly got the short end of the stick."

Tears in his eyes, Alistair was finally speechless.

"Now, it seems you have some reading to do." Leiliana tapped the box with her finger. "Then, if you wish to speak some more you can find me at the Chantry. During the day I work with the orphans and widows of The Blight."

Alistair clutched the box and walked back toward The Pearl.


	4. The Scars That Love Can Leave

After the meeting with Alistair, Leiliana made her way home to the farmstead that she shared with her husband Soris and their ever growing family which sat just outside of the city. Their home was not fancy, but was quite large. Of course it had to be big to be able to accommodate the multitude of "Aunties", "Uncles", and "Cousins" that could show up on any given day. In the front of the house was a long stone walkway leading up to the front door. The scent of Andraste's Grace hung in the air, emanating from the garden that ran along the entire back side of the property. All of the stress that Leiliana had been carrying since her meeting with Alistair lifted from her as she inhaled the sweet aroma of her favorite flowers.

"Soris, I'm home!" She sang as she walked through the front door which led into a spacious sitting room. "Who missed me?"

"By the maker, I thought you got lost." Sighed an obviously exhausted Soris as he walked into the room. He carried baby Shianni on his hip as Cyrion clung to his leg.

Leiliana glanced around the room in absolute awe of the complete chaos. Anders, looking equally as frazzled as Soris was working frantically to calm Nelaros who was screaming at the top of his lungs, holding his forearm protectively against his chest. Nearby little Drake sat on the floor giggling as Morrigan scolded him for biting Nelaros. Just behind Morrigan, Rose and Cecile had each other by the hair. Both of the girls were screaming, but neither one of them would give up and let go. On the other side of the room Slade sat by himself in a corner with his arms crossed as Felsi scrubbed away at a puddle of Maker knows what that her son had apparently spilled on the floor.

"Enough!" The normally soft-spoken woman yelled at the top of her lungs, but still the chaos ensued. She began to feel all of the stress and frustration that she had pushed off of her back not five minutes ago begin to pile itself onto her shoulders once again. Frustrated and without so much as a scrap of patience remaining within her Leiliana stepped up on a nearby chair and put two finger tips into her mouth. Soris immediately put a hand over one of Shianni's ears, laying her other ear up against his chest as Leiliana produced an agonizingly loud, high pitched whistle, reminiscent of the sound made by an attacking Shriek. The house finally fell silent as everyone in it froze in place, seemingly afraid to even move.

Without a word Leiliana walked over to Rose and Cecile and untangled their fingers from each others hair. Each girl was handed a book and sent to separate corners of the room until they had time to let their tempers cool. Another book was handed to Slade as Leiliana assisted Felsi in cleaning the remains of what she could now tell was molasses off of the floor. Morrigan took Shianni from Soris who was working to unwind Cyrion's arms from around his legs. With Drake by the hand and Shianni on her hip Morrigan headed toward the nursery to lay them down for a nap. Anders was then finally able to convince a still shaken Nelaros to show him his arm. With a wave of his hand the large bite mark faded and a look of relief overtook the toddlers face. Anders then took the boy to join Shianni and Drake in the nursery.

After all was said and done Slade, Cyrion, Celine, and Rose were sent outside to play as the younger children took their naps. Felsi thanked Leiliana for her help in cleaning the mess on the floor as she took her leave to change out of her sticky clothes and to wash up. Leiliana, Soris and Morrigan slumped down into the cozy chairs in the sitting room as Anders went into the kitchen to make some tea.

"Well that's two battles I've had to thrust myself into today." Leiliana remarked as Anders walked into the room carrying a tray of tea and a large plate of cookies. "I must say I would rather take on a whole house full of children than have to deal with two grown men who insist upon acting like them."

"I assume you are referring to Zevran and Alistair?" remarked Morrigan from behind her teacup "So tell me, what got under the pathetic sot's skin today?"

"In all honesty, the meeting was going better than I had hoped to begin with." Leiliana reflected. "He had cleaned himself up, at least that was my perception after the way that Zevran and yourself described him the night before. His hair was clean and cut and his face was clean shaven. We exchanged pleasantries and he showed what I took to be a genuine interest in what we all have been doing for the past eight years."

"So what started the fight?" asked Soris as he set his teacup on the table and grabbed a cookie from the plate.

Leiliana sighed and glanced toward the nursery. "Well, let's just say that Nelaros' parentage came into question."

"You can't tell me that he got upset about it?" replied a shocked Anders. "It was my understanding that he made it quite clear that he wanted nothing to do with Ruthi and had opted instead to go on an eight year bender, drinking his way across Thedas."

"The thing that Alistair failed to realize is that the kind of love that he shared with Eruthiawen cannot simply be ended and forgotten." Leiliana said thoughtfully. "The feelings that they shared leave scars upon the heart, and though you can do your best to cover them up and pretend they do not exist, there will always be something or someone that will cause them to make their presence known. For Alistair, it was the thought of Ruthi moving on and loving another man that compelled his heart to betray him."

"So how did Zevran come into play in all of this?" Soris questioned. "I was under the impression that he had agreed to wait for you to break the ice before joining you."

Leiliana shook her head. "That indeed was the plan, however I was apparently the only one to remember it, for as soon as Nelaros was brought into question Zevran appeared out of nowhere to inform Alistair that he was his son."

"And I'm sure Alistair took this bit of news with the poise and constraint of a rabid Mabari?" Anders joked as he too took a cookie from the tray.

"Comparing the fool to a mabari would be giving his intellect far too much credit my love." Morrigan stared at the ceiling as if trying to recover a long lost memory from within the rafters. "When Alistair feels that he has been treated unfairly, 'tis a berserking Hurlock that he more closely resembles; mindlessly swinging at the air until something connects."

"Ah, so just your average templar then is he?" laughed Anders as he poured another cup of tea. "Their sense of reason is as clear as a stagnant mud puddle."

"There was so much rage in his eyes." Leiliana reflected as she relaxed back in her chair. "It was as if Alistair had completely vanished in the blink of an eye only to be replaced with a broken down, angry shell of a man seething venom from every pore." Leiliana paused and seemingly became lost in thought.

"Well?" prodded Soris "What happened?"

"Before I could even process what was going on before my own eyes Zevran had Alistair by the collar with his fist pulled back." Leiliana sighed. "Thank the Maker for giving me the gift of agility for if he had not, Alistair's face would be nothing more than an enormous contusion. I got hold of the both of them by their shirts and dragged them out of the Pearl, all the while apologizing to Sanga who at that point was ready to have us all strung up for causing such a scene in her establishment."

Leiliana sat up and began to pour herself another cup of tea. "Once we were outside I sent Zev on his way and took Alistair off by himself. Right away he started lamenting how life has been so unfair to him and how his heart was tore apart." Leiliana shook her head in disgust. "At that point any sympathetic feelings I had toward him went out the window. I told him that Zev was there for Ruthi when he should have been, marrying her when she felt she couldn't handle raising his daughter by herself. I then gave Alistair the circumstances surrounding Nelaros' birth, how Ruthi felt she needed to do something for Zevran after all he had done for her and that Nelaros was a baby born out of gratitude toward a friend, rather than out of true love. I gave him the box of letters that Ruthi had written to him over the past eight years and told him to contact me when he was through reading them."

"So do you think that any of it got through to him?" Soris asked as he began to gather the dirty cups and plates from the small table in front of them.

"'Tis doubtful." Snapped Morrigan, a look of unmistakable disgust poured across her face "The man has the intellectual capacity of a tree trunk."

Thinking back Leiliana remarked "I actually believe that it did get through on some level. His entire face seemed to relax back to normal and I swear that I saw a tear running down his cheek as I left. Now as for who he was crying for… himself, Zevran, Eruthiawen, Nelaros or even Rose, that is anyone's guess…"

Leiliana stood and began to help Soris clear the dishes as Morrigan went to check on the babies napping in the nursery and Anders saw to the older children still playing outside. She then paused and looked at Soris with question in her eyes. "You know it just occurred to me I haven't seen Zevran since I sent him away after his fight with Alistair. I told him to come here and let you know I would be along later, did he never come by?"

Soris shook his head. "No, I haven't seen Zev since he left with you late this morning. When he didn't arrive home with you I figured that he had other business to attend to and that he would just be along later."

Worry began to sweep over Leiliana. Zevran was not in the best state of mind when they departed. He was never one to wear his emotions on his sleeve, instead Zev embraced this façade of arrogance mixed in with just the right amount of suave seduction and masculinity that he had developed during his time with The Crows in Antiva.

"I think it would be a good idea that Morrigan, Anders and I see if we can find Zev." Leiliana said as she quickly sat the tea tray down upon the wooden counter in the kitchen.

Recognizing the urgency in her voice Soris nodded "Do what you need to Leili, Oghren is supposed to be arriving this evening. I think between him, Felsi and me we can handle the kids till you get back." Soris kissed his wife on the forehead "I will pray to the Maker that everything is okay."

"Please do my love." Remarked Leiliana as she began to search for Morrigan and Anders. "One of us will check in periodically incase he should return while we are gone."

As she started to leave Soris called after her "I'm sure he is alright Leili, Zevran never seemed the type to do anything rash…especially out of hatred or anger."

Leiliana looked over her shoulder at Soris. "Hatred and anger are easy to overcome. However love can cause even the most reasonable person to do the most unreasonable things…especially if they know that that love will be forever unrequited."

With an understanding smile and a nod Soris watched as Leiliana rushed out the door.


	5. Chapter 5

A warm evening air blew as Zevran sat amongst the flowers in Leiliana’s garden. The scent of Andraste’s Grace rose from the darkness and filled his senses. He had been sitting there for what seemed like hours, listening to the children as they played. He hadn’t planned on staying for more than a moment but he could not bring himself to face the crowd of people waiting inside. He slipped into the garden in an attempt to avoid the barrage of questions that he had no interest in answering. But instead of diminishing, Zevran’s desire for solitude only increased.

Zev sat down upon a small stone bench in the back of the garden and pulled from his shirt an old pair of gloves. With tears in his eyes he ran his fingers across the worn leather. For the first time in his life, Zevran did not feel as though he was in complete control of his emotions. This was disquieting for the former assassin. In his training with the Crows he was taught that emotions only served to get in between the assassin and the task at hand. So over the years Zevran developed his emotional mask. Anger was masked with apathy, Sadness was masked with vicious depravity, and love was replaced with unabashed and shameless debauchery.  
Once this mask was in place, Zevran believed it would remain there for the rest of his life. Eruthiawen however, began to break down this façade and all of these troublesome emotions started to seep to the surface. Normally Zev was still able to keep his cool outwardly while waging an emotional war within his own mind. But this time, try as he might Zevran could not slake the tempest of anger and grief that was swirling around inside of him.

Tears overwhelmed his eyes as he held the gloves against his cheek. It was then that Zev finally gave in and let the tears flow. All at once the mountain of grief that had been bottled up inside of him for the better part of 30 years came cascading forth. His mask finally shattered and the once stagnant emotions made their presence known. In an instant Zevran longed for the mother he never knew and grieved for the childhood that he was never allowed to have. He felt guilt for every life that he ended with his own hands and love for the woman who rescued him, not only from the crows but also from himself. Thinking about the mercy that Eruthiawen bestowed upon her would be killer made Zev think about the reason he accepted the contract on her life in the first place. He thought of his beloved Rinna, remembering the way he took delight in watching the life drain from her pretty face as Taliesen slit her throat.  
Zevran’s stomach churned at the memory of Rinna’s unseeing eyes staring up at him, and just as he felt he could no longer hold back the sickness churning inside of him he felt a small hand upon his shoulder. Startled, Zevran turned to see a familiar pair of emerald eyes staring back at him with concern. 

“Uncle Zev?” Rose whispered “What’s wrong? Why are you sad?”

He wanted to talk, wanted to assure her that everything was fine but all that Zevran could do was cry. He quickly turned his face in an attempt to hide his anguish.  
“Snap out of it Arainai.” He thought to himself “Be a man, no more tears, you are above tears!”

Rose sat down beside her beloved Uncle, wrapped her small arms around his waist and rested her head on his chest. Zevran could feel his heart melting as he put his arms around the girl and rested his cheek on her head. Neither of them said a word, but in the silence Zevran felt comfort. 

“I can’t give in.” he said to himself. “I have to be there for Rose and Nelaros. Ruthi entrusted me with their care and I will not forsake her now.”

“Do you miss Mamae?” Rose whispered into his chest.

“Si, mi bendición, I miss her very much.” Zev replied in a whisper. “More than words can say.”

Rose sat up and looked into Zevran’s tear stained eyes. “She misses you too you know.” She stated with confidence. “Sometimes when I sleep I visit her in The Fade. She talks about you a lot.”

A hint of a smile made its way across his face. “Does she?” Zevran asked as he turned to look at Rose.

“Oh yes, she speaks of you every time I see her.” Rose replied

“And my dear just what does your beautiful mother have to say about your old Uncle Zev, hmm?” He asked as his curiosity was piqued.

“Oh, mostly about how you were her very best friend in the world and how much she misses you; sometimes she even tells stories about your travels and the Blight.” Rose tenderly held Zevran’s hand in hers. “She wishes that YOU would come visit her in The Fade sometimes because she misses the way you could always make her laugh.” 

Zevran shook his head as he peered at the ground. “Oh my dear sweet Rose, how I wish I could visit your Mother, but alas I don’t know how. I dream nearly every night, but your Mother has never come to visit me.” 

“I asked her one night why there are some nights that she comes and other nights she is gone, she said that those are the nights when the clouds are too thick and she can’t find me.” Rose stated thoughtfully. “She told me before we go to sleep at night we need to think of the happiest memory we have of her, concentrate on that memory extra hard, and push any sad or unhappy thoughts out of our mind.”

“What happens when our thoughts are not happy?” Zevran asked with a curious smile

“Mamae said that angry and sad thoughts create dark clouds that surround us, but when we have only good thoughts, especially thoughts of her, it creates a bright white light all around us.” Rose explained. “The bright light leads her right to us.”

Zevran kissed Rose upon her forehead and hugged her tight. “Te amo mi bendición”

Rose returned Zev’s hug. “Mamae also wanted me to give you a message, one that she said is very important.” Rose bowed her head as if she were ashamed of something, kicking the dirt beneath her feet. “But…..”

Zev put two fingers under the child’s chin, tilting her head up so he could look at her face. “Oh my dear child, what is the matter? Surely it can’t be all that bad.” Zev gave her a reassuring smile.

Rose shook her head. “No, I don’t think it is bad, though I’m not really sure what everything means. I’m just ashamed because Mamae told me what to tell you weeks ago but I never did because I was having trouble remembering everything and I didn’t want to mess it up.”

“We need not worry about that my sweet one.” He patted her strawberry hair. “I have an idea. You could tell me what you remember and when I find your Mamae in the fade she can fill in what you couldn’t remember. That would work. No?”

Rose paused for a moment, trying to remember as much as she could of what her mother had said; she took in a deep breath and began. “She said to tell you that she spoke to Rinna.”

Zev felt his heart leap into his throat as the sensation of ice cold needles fell upon his back.

“Rinna wanted you to know that she still loves you with all of her heart and that she always would.” Rose paused for a moment, trying to collect her thoughts.  
“Hmmm…..there was something else….”

Zev gave her a reassuring pat on the back as a million thoughts raced through his head.

“Oh yes, I remember!” Rose rejoiced. “She said that she understands why you did what you did, she said she forgives you and that it is time for you to forgive yourself.” With that Rose grinned with pride at the fact that she remembered the whole message as she looked up at Zev.

“Did I do a good job Uncle Zev, did the message make sense?” Rose asked with excitement.

Zevran stared at Rose nodding in silence. He wanted to praise her and thank her but no words would come. 

“Could it be true?” he questioned to himself “It has to be, there is no way she could have known to say these things otherwise.”

The sound of Soris calling Rose to dinner echoed across the yard.

“I’m coming!” Rose shouted in reply. She hugged Zev tight and gave him a kiss on the cheek before running off toward the house.

Zevran stared off into the distance, lost in thought but was quickly snapped out of it as he was struck in the back of the head by a weakened (Thank The Maker) arcane bolt. Zev quickly turned to see Anders standing a few yards behind him.

Anders noticed Zev looking at him from the distance. He looked to his left and right only to notice that he was left standing alone. Suddenly in fear of his life the baffled mage quickly shook his head and shrugged as he declared “I didn’t do it!”

It was then that Leiliana and Morrigan crept out from behind a shrub a short distance behind Anders. 

“Way to take one for the team my darling” Morrigan patted her still confused husband on the back as she walked past. “ ‘tis so hard to find a reliable scapegoat these days.”

Leiliana stormed past Anders who was frozen in place, still not sure what to make of what just happened. Leili had her sights set on the blonde elf and could see nothing else.

“Zevran!” she shouted, her voice tinged with a mixture of anger, disgust, worry and complete exhaustion.

“Leiliana!” he answered back in a mocking tone

Leiliana pulled back and slapped the bewildered Antivan across the face. “Where in Thedas have you been? We just spent our entire evening walking the streets of Denerim trying to find you, worried out of our minds, probing every person that we came across for answers in an attempt to find you!”

Zev smirked “My dear Leiliana, you mean to tell me that you had a night filled with the wanton probing of random bystanders, and you did not even think to include me in the debauchery?” he chided “And here I thought we were friends.”

Once again, Zev was knocked back as his manhood was greeted by one of Leiliana’s brand new Orlesian Boots. He fell to the ground only able to moan in response.  
“As you can see Zevran, I am in no mood for your tomfoolery. I have spent my night searching for you, leaving my dear sweet husband to attend to a house full of people!” Leiliana crouched to look Zevran directly in his pain stricken eyes. “I swear to The Maker, Andraste, and by every fiber of my being, if you worry me like that again I will do what The Crows could not.”

With that Leiliana stomped across the yard toward the house. Morrigan followed closely behind, and as she walked past Zevran she shook her head, obviously amused. “I’m sure one day you will see there was something to be learned in all of this….”

Anders knelt down beside Zevran who was still lying in the fetal position on the ground and called after his wife as she walked away. “Yes my darling, a very valuable lesson that I’m sure Zevran will never forget.” Morrigan turned her head and grinned at Anders over her shoulder and as she entered the house. “And the lesson of the day is…be wary of the tiny Orlesian with the big shoe fetish.” Anders jokingly whispered as he produced a blue light from his fingertips and expertly aimed it between the legs of the pain addled elf. 

In mere moments a feeling of warm numbness spread across Zevran’s groin as Anders helped him off of the ground.

“Make sure you put some ice on that or you will be right back to where you were once the magic wears off.” Anders said as he turned to leave, and looking over his shoulder added “Or might I suggest some quality time with your stash of Antivan Brandy as an equally effective if not more enjoyable solution.”

Zevran remained in the garden for a short while longer as he allowed for Anders spell to take full effect. He then slowly made his way to the house, not enjoying the thought of having to face anyone, least of all Leiliana. So it was much to his chagrin that the redheaded bard was the first person he saw as the door swung open.

“I have only come to gather my children and then I shall go home.” Zev shot a glance at Leiliana as he made a b-line for Rose and Nelaros who were sleeping peacefully in an oversized chair in the corner of the room.

“Oh don’t be silly Zevran, stay and have some dinner!” giggled Leiliana who had apparently calmed down since their earlier confrontation. “You look like you have had a ton of bricks fall upon you!”

“Four pounds of expertly wielded shoe leather would be a much more accurate representation, would it not?” Zevran growled as he shot an angry glare in the direction of the irritatingly bubbly Orlesian. “No my friend, I think I will be heading home. It is a long walk just to the outskirts of the Alienage and even further to get to our apartment on the other side. I would rather not have ‘Little Zev’ wake from his magic induced slumber halfway there.”

Guilt swept through Leiliana’s conscience as she watched her friend struggle to lift his small son from the chair. She wanted so badly to intervene and help him out but knew it was best for her to keep her distance, at least for tonight. She turned and whispered into Soris’ ear and with an understanding nod he walked over to the chair and gingerly swept Rose into his arms. Zevran gave Soris an appreciative smile and walked out the front door without saying a word.

Relief swept through Zev’s body as they finally rounded the corner and his apartment came in to view. His injured appendage had begun to regain feeling before they had even reached the entrance to the Alienage, and by the time they got to the other side Zevran felt as though he had been walking for hours though in reality it had only been about ten minutes.

Zevran thanked Soris for his help and promised that he would talk to Leiliana once they had both had some time to think. After Soris had left and Zevran closed and locked the door, he tiptoed into the bedroom that his children shared. He watched in silence for a moment as they slept peacefully and then kissed each of them softly on their forehead. “Te amo mis ángeles.” He whispered as he left the small bedroom.

As he reached his own bed Zev began to think about his earlier conversation with Rose and what she had told him about the Fade. He wanted so desperately to be able to visit Ruthi tonight, to look into her deep green eyes and hold her in his arms, but he resigned himself to the fact that his Fade clouds would be too much for him to lift after all that had happened today. The confrontation with Alistair was bad enough, but Leiliana’s flying feet were the icing on the cake.

Zevran took a long drink from a bottle of Antivan Brandy that he pulled from a chest at the foot of the bed and made a silent promise to himself. No matter what tomorrow brings to his door, he will not allow it to bring him down, he will not let the clouds form, for when evening falls he will visit The Fade and he will see his warden again.


	6. Ruthi's Little Messenger

A warm evening air blew as Zevran sat amongst the flowers in Leiliana’s garden. The scent of Andraste’s Grace rose from the darkness and filled his senses. He had been sitting there for what seemed like hours, listening to the children as they played. He hadn’t planned on staying for more than a moment but he could not bring himself to face the crowd of people waiting inside. He slipped into the garden in an attempt to avoid the barrage of questions that he had no interest in answering. But instead of diminishing, Zevran’s desire for solitude only increased.  
Zev sat down upon a small stone bench in the back of the garden and pulled from his shirt an old pair of gloves. With tears in his eyes he ran his fingers across the worn leather. For the first time in his life, Zevran did not feel as though he was in complete control of his emotions. This was disquieting for the former assassin. In his training with the Crows he was taught that emotions only served to get in between the assassin and the task at hand. So over the years Zevran developed his emotional mask. Anger was masked with apathy, Sadness was masked with vicious depravity, and love was replaced with unabashed and shameless debauchery. Once this mask was in place, Zevran believed it would remain there for the rest of his life. Eruthiawen however, began to break down this façade and all of these troublesome emotions started to seep to the surface. Normally Zev was still able to keep his cool outwardly while waging an emotional war within his own mind. But this time, try as he might Zevran could not slake the tempest of anger and grief that was swirling around inside of him.  
Tears overwhelmed his eyes as he held the gloves against his cheek. It was then that Zev finally gave in and let the tears flow. All at once the mountain of grief that had been bottled up inside of him for the better part of 30 years came cascading forth. His mask finally shattered and the once stagnant emotions made their presence known. In an instant Zevran longed for the mother he never knew and grieved for the childhood that he was never allowed to have. He felt guilt for every life that he ended with his own hands and love for the woman who rescued him, not only from the crows but also from himself. Thinking about the mercy that Eruthiawen bestowed upon her would be killer made Zev think about the reason he accepted the contract on her life in the first place. He thought of his beloved Rinna, remembering the way he took delight in watching the life drain from her pretty face as Taliesen slit her throat.   
Zevran’s stomach churned at the memory of Rinna’s unseeing eyes staring up at him, and just as he felt he could no longer hold back the sickness churning inside of him he felt a small hand upon his shoulder. Startled, Zevran turned to see a familiar pair of emerald eyes staring back at him with concern.   
“Uncle Zev?” Rose whispered “What’s wrong? Why are you sad?”  
He wanted to talk, wanted to assure her that everything was fine but all that Zevran could do was cry. He quickly turned his face in an attempt to hide his anguish.  
“Snap out of it Arainai.” He thought to himself “Be a man, no more tears, you are above tears!”  
Rose sat down beside her beloved Uncle, wrapped her small arms around his waist and rested her head on his chest. Zevran could feel his heart melting as he put his arms around the girl and rested his cheek on her head. Neither of them said a word, but in the silence Zevran felt comfort.   
“I can’t give in.” he said to himself. “I have to be there for Rose and Nelaros. Ruthi entrusted me with their care and I will not forsake her now.”  
“Do you miss Mamae?” Rose whispered into his chest.  
“Si, mi bendición, I miss her very much.” Zev replied in a whisper. “More than words can say.”  
Rose sat up and looked into Zevran’s tear stained eyes. “She misses you too you know.” She stated with confidence. “Sometimes when I sleep I visit her in The Fade. She talks about you a lot.”  
A hint of a smile made its way across his face. “Does she?” Zevran asked as he turned to look at Rose.  
“Oh yes, she speaks of you every time I see her.” Rose replied  
“And my dear just what does your beautiful mother have to say about your old Uncle Zev, hmm?” He asked as his curiosity was piqued.  
“Oh, mostly about how you were her very best friend in the world and how much she misses you; sometimes she even tells stories about your travels and the Blight.” Rose tenderly held Zevran’s hand in hers. “She wishes that YOU would come visit her in The Fade sometimes because she misses the way you could always make her laugh.”   
Zevran shook his head as he peered at the ground. “Oh my dear sweet Rose, how I wish I could visit your Mother, but alas I don’t know how. I dream nearly every night, but your Mother has never come to visit me.”   
“I asked her one night why there are some nights that she comes and other nights she is gone, she said that those are the nights when the clouds are too thick and she can’t find me.” Rose stated thoughtfully. “She told me before we go to sleep at night we need to think of the happiest memory we have of her, concentrate on that memory extra hard, and push any sad or unhappy thoughts out of our mind.”  
“What happens when our thoughts are not happy?” Zevran asked with a curious smile  
“Mamae said that angry and sad thoughts create dark clouds that surround us, but when we have only good thoughts, especially thoughts of her, it creates a bright white light all around us.” Rose explained. “The bright light leads her right to us.”  
Zevran kissed Rose upon her forehead and hugged her tight. “Te amo mi bendición”  
Rose returned Zev’s hug. “Mamae also wanted me to give you a message, one that she said is very important.” Rose bowed her head as if she were ashamed of something, kicking the dirt beneath her feet. “But…..”  
Zev put two fingers under the child’s chin, tilting her head up so he could look at her face. “Oh my dear child, what is the matter? Surely it can’t be all that bad.” Zev gave her a reassuring smile.  
Rose shook her head. “No, I don’t think it is bad, though I’m not really sure what everything means. I’m just ashamed because Mamae told me what to tell you weeks ago but I never did because I was having trouble remembering everything and I didn’t want to mess it up.”  
“We need not worry about that my sweet one.” He patted her strawberry hair. “I have an idea. You could tell me what you remember and when I find your Mamae in the fade she can fill in what you couldn’t remember. That would work. No?”  
Rose paused for a moment, trying to remember as much as she could of what her mother had said; she took in a deep breath and began. “She said to tell you that she spoke to Rinna.”  
Zev felt his heart leap into his throat as the sensation of ice cold needles fell upon his back.  
“Rinna wanted you to know that she still loves you with all of her heart and that she always would.” Rose paused for a moment, trying to collect her thoughts. “Hmmm…..there was something else….”  
Zev gave her a reassuring pat on the back as a million thoughts raced through his head.  
“Oh yes, I remember!” Rose rejoiced. “She said that she understands why you did what you did, she said she forgives you and that it is time for you to forgive yourself.” With that Rose grinned with pride at the fact that she remembered the whole message as she looked up at Zev.  
“Did I do a good job Uncle Zev, did the message make sense?” Rose asked with excitement.  
Zevran stared at Rose nodding in silence. He wanted to praise her and thank her but no words would come.   
“Could it be true?” he questioned to himself “It has to be, there is no way she could have known to say these things otherwise.”  
The sound of Soris calling Rose to dinner echoed across the yard.  
“I’m coming!” Rose shouted in reply. She hugged Zev tight and gave him a kiss on the cheek before running off toward the house.  
Zevran stared off into the distance, lost in thought but was quickly snapped out of it as he was struck in the back of the head by a weakened (Thank The Maker) arcane bolt. Zev quickly turned to see Anders standing a few yards behind him.  
Anders noticed Zev looking at him from the distance. He looked to his left and right only to notice that he was left standing alone. Suddenly in fear of his life the baffled mage quickly shook his head and shrugged as he declared “I didn’t do it!”  
It was then that Leiliana and Morrigan crept out from behind a shrub a short distance behind Anders.   
“Way to take one for the team my darling” Morrigan patted her still confused husband on the back as she walked past. “ ‘tis so hard to find a reliable scapegoat these days.”  
Leiliana stormed past Anders who was frozen in place, still not sure what to make of what just happened. Leili had her sights set on the blonde elf and could see nothing else.  
“Zevran!” she shouted, her voice tinged with a mixture of anger, disgust, worry and complete exhaustion.  
“Leiliana!” he answered back in a mocking tone  
Leiliana pulled back and slapped the bewildered Antivan across the face. “Where in Thedas have you been? We just spent our entire evening walking the streets of Denerim trying to find you, worried out of our minds, probing every person that we came across for answers in an attempt to find you!”  
Zev smirked “My dear Leiliana, you mean to tell me that you had a night filled with the wanton probing of random bystanders, and you did not even think to include me in the debauchery?” he chided “And here I thought we were friends.”  
Once again, Zev was knocked back as his manhood was greeted by one of Leiliana’s brand new Orlesian Boots. He fell to the ground only able to moan in response.  
“As you can see Zevran, I am in no mood for your tomfoolery. I have spent my night searching for you, leaving my dear sweet husband to attend to a house full of people!” Leiliana crouched to look Zevran directly in his pain stricken eyes. “I swear to The Maker, Andraste, and by every fiber of my being, if you worry me like that again I will do what The Crows could not.”  
With that Leiliana stomped across the yard toward the house. Morrigan followed closely behind, and as she walked past Zevran she shook her head, obviously amused. “I’m sure one day you will see there was something to be learned in all of this….”  
Anders knelt down beside Zevran who was still lying in the fetal position on the ground and called after his wife as she walked away. “Yes my darling, a very valuable lesson that I’m sure Zevran will never forget.” Morrigan turned her head and grinned at Anders over her shoulder and as she entered the house. “And the lesson of the day is…be wary of the tiny Orlesian with the big shoe fetish.” Anders jokingly whispered as he produced a blue light from his fingertips and expertly aimed it between the legs of the pain addled elf.   
In mere moments a feeling of warm numbness spread across Zevran’s groin as Anders helped him off of the ground.  
“Make sure you put some ice on that or you will be right back to where you were once the magic wears off.” Anders said as he turned to leave, and looking over his shoulder added “Or might I suggest some quality time with your stash of Antivan Brandy as an equally effective if not more enjoyable solution.”  
Zevran remained in the garden for a short while longer as he allowed for Anders spell to take full effect. He then slowly made his way to the house, not enjoying the thought of having to face anyone, least of all Leiliana. So it was much to his chagrin that the redheaded bard was the first person he saw as the door swung open.  
“I have only come to gather my children and then I shall go home.” Zev shot a glance at Leiliana as he made a b-line for Rose and Nelaros who were sleeping peacefully in an oversized chair in the corner of the room.  
“Oh don’t be silly Zevran, stay and have some dinner!” giggled Leiliana who had apparently calmed down since their earlier confrontation. “You look like you have had a ton of bricks fall upon you!”  
“Four pounds of expertly wielded shoe leather would be a much more accurate representation, would it not?” Zevran growled as he shot an angry glare in the direction of the irritatingly bubbly Orlesian. “No my friend, I think I will be heading home. It is a long walk just to the outskirts of the Alienage and even further to get to our apartment on the other side. I would rather not have ‘Little Zev’ wake from his magic induced slumber halfway there.”  
Guilt swept through Leiliana’s conscience as she watched her friend struggle to lift his small son from the chair. She wanted so badly to intervene and help him out but knew it was best for her to keep her distance, at least for tonight. She turned and whispered into Soris’ ear and with an understanding nod he walked over to the chair and gingerly swept Rose into his arms. Zevran gave Soris an appreciative smile and walked out the front door without saying a word.  
Relief swept through Zev’s body as they finally rounded the corner and his apartment came in to view. His injured appendage had begun to regain feeling before they had even reached the entrance to the Alienage, and by the time they got to the other side Zevran felt as though he had been walking for hours though in reality it had only been about ten minutes.  
Zevran thanked Soris for his help and promised that he would talk to Leiliana once they had both had some time to think. After Soris had left and Zevran closed and locked the door, he tiptoed into the bedroom that his children shared. He watched in silence for a moment as they slept peacefully and then kissed each of them softly on their forehead. “Te amo mis ángeles.” He whispered as he left the small bedroom.  
As he reached his own bed Zev began to think about his earlier conversation with Rose and what she had told him about the Fade. He wanted so desperately to be able to visit Ruthi tonight, to look into her deep green eyes and hold her in his arms, but he resigned himself to the fact that his Fade clouds would be too much for him to lift after all that had happened today. The confrontation with Alistair was bad enough, but Leiliana’s flying feet were the icing on the cake.  
Zevran took a long drink from a bottle of Antivan Brandy that he pulled from a chest at the foot of the bed and made a silent promise to himself. No matter what tomorrow brings to his door, he will not allow it to bring him down, he will not let the clouds form, for when evening falls he will visit The Fade and he will see his warden again.


End file.
